


Hi Honey, I'm Home

by Rachaelizabeth



Category: Doctor Who, Torchwood
Genre: Doctor visits River in her classroom at Luna, The Doctors an Idiot, What else is new, jack finds out about river killing the doctor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-25 22:28:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12542636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rachaelizabeth/pseuds/Rachaelizabeth
Summary: A collection of stories surrounding one Professor River Song and the Time Lord known as The Doctor.





	1. You killed The Doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is my version on what would happen if Jack Found out about the Doctors "Death". A bit of Janto fluff sneaked its way in there.

The news had spread quickly, all throughout time and space, the worst news anyone could possibly get. The Doctor was dead, killed by a walking pompom. Jack had refused to believe it at first, but every source he had all said the same thing. The Doctor, the oncoming storm, the legend, the predator, the last of the time lords, had died. No, not died, been murdered. Jack had decided he would not rest until this monster was dead. Who could kill the doctor, the best man in the universe, the one that could protect all of creation without letting the power go to his head?

"Alright, Tosh, I want everything you can find on the Doctor's killer, search every data base in the universe, I want a name. Ianto, can you find images, reports, news statements, anything and everything about his final days, I want to know who he was with. Owen, can you get in touch with hospitals, I want to get one of those strap in beds for when we catch whoever did this. Gwen, monitor the internet, if anything new comes up about the Doctor, I want to be the first to know about it," Jack ordered his team. Two days ago he got the news, it took it that long for him to process the information. The only reason he was still standing was because he had a task, something to put all of his energy into. For the first time in his very long life, Jack didn't know what to feel, or what to do, or how to keep going. He had forever, and the only other being who knew what that felt like had just been ripped from it.

His thoughts were interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. He turned to find Ianto staring at him with worrying eyes. Jack relized he was saying something, "What?" He asked, having no clue what Ianto said.

"Well I asked if you were alright for starters. I mean I know your not alright but..." He trailed off.

"Yeah," Jack stated, "I will be," and that was the truth. He had the other best man in the universe looking after him. As Jack thought about it, Ianto was always there for him. Some he had left, others had left him, but Jack was finally coming to understand that Ianto wasn't going anywhere if he could help it, "Thank you."

"Jack!" Tosh had yelled, interrupting a rather heated make-out session. Jack sighed, pulling away from his love. Ianto looked apologetically at Jack, he knew he needed the distraction.

"What is it Tosh?" Jack asked, walking down the steps to her desk, "Did you get a name?" Jack Inquired as he got closer.

"Name, Picture, and where you'll find her," She said proudly. Jack looked stunned at how good she was at her job.

"You are brilliant," Jack beamed, kissing her on her forehead. He looked at the name of the physicality that housed the most evil woman in the universe, "The Stormcage. That's the most high security prisons in the universe," He stated in awe, "This should be fun!" Ianto rolled his eyes, of course Jack would think sneeking into a high security prison and breaking out a prisoner would be fun.

"Alright then," Jack said as he typed the coordinates into his, thanks to Tosh and Ianto's brilliance, working vortex manipulator, "Who's coming with me?" Jack questioned, knowing that if he was going to do this properly, he was going to need help.

"Oh no, last time I went with you on that thing I ended up sick!" Gwen backed away from the horrid device. Tosh looked scarred by Gwen's statement and declined as well. Owen said something about weevil spray, so that just left Ianto.

As much as he did not want to go, he could never say no to the look Jack was giving him, "Fine!" Ianto grumpily complied.

"Ok, I'm going to set this to take us back on Tuesday, so you have time to prepare," Jack told them all, "Let's hope the world doesn't end in 3 days."

Ianto braced himself as Jack hit the button and they were off.

After 15 minutes of throwing up, Ianto was ready to continue the mission.

"Ok," Jack whispered, "here's the plan," Jack started explaining his very detailed and complicated plan, saying that escaping this place is nearly impossible, and if they did get out, it would go down in history.

"Well she's not doing too bad," Ianto said as a woman with curly hair passed them. Ianto recognized her immediately, "Jack thats her," Ianto said as he and Jack watched the woman easily escape.

Jack started to follow her, Ianto close behind. River kept walking, knowing she was being followed. She turned a corner and waited behind a wall for the boys to catch up. Once they were in view she spoke up, "Can I help you with something?" Jack looked over in shock, how did she do that?

"Your the one who's going to need help once I'm done with you." Jacks cold voice was the last thing River heard before she blacked out.

"How long will she be out Owen?" a voice asked.

"I don't know, Ianto hit her pretty hard," The man who River assumed was Owen answered. Oh right, the last thing she saw was a frying pan. Next time she probably shouldn't lead people who want her dead to a kitchen full of dangerous appliances.

Before opening her eyes, she took in her surroundings. She was tied to a bed with at least two men standing over her, in any other case this would be quite fun. River then decided to open her eyes. 'Ok,' she thought, 'I'm in an interrogation room in... a sewer?' she guessed. She looked around for anything that she could use to her advantage, but decided it was useless. The restraints seemed to be quite tight, but there was, in fact, a camera. And wherever there was a camera, there was hope of contacting the Doctor.

"Finally awake, are we?" Jack noticed, "Before you try to escape, just know the hub's on lockdown, and that door," he pointed to the only way out, "can only be opened from the outside." he finished. He knew she wasn't going anywhere, especially since he took her vortex manipulator among countless objects she was carrying.

"Well, if you wanted to get me into bed, all you had to do was ask." River flirted. 'Oh, she's good' Jack thought, and on any other occasion, this would be a dream.

"If those were my intentions, I'd be the one tied up right now," Jack said flatly.

"Alright Jack, we don't need to hear about the things you and Ianto do after hours," Owen spoke in his usual tone. Ianto went the shade of a tomato.

"So," River spoke up, "you have my attention." 'Who does she think she is?' Jack thought.

"I am going to ask you questions, and I want answers. Every time you don't answer, or lie, you will be injected with 5cc's of accarinid, an alien substance that will make your blood burn," He said cooly. She noticed the lie detector, the best one on this side of the galaxy, and knew she could only deceive yes or no questions.

"Why do you want me? What have I done?" River asked, as curiosity took over. 'How dare she! How can she ask that question?!' Jack thought, outraged.

"I'll be asking the questions here," he spoke through gritted teeth, "Lets start with something easy. Whats your name?" he asked her. Well this was certainly not as easy of a question as he thought, but she had learned how to only tell part of the truth.

"Professor River Song," She said, giving him her best smile. She hoped that the Doctor would see the footage of her being taken in the storm cage, and come save her. Not that she needed saving just yet, but he does like to keep tabs on her. She knew that he sometimes watched her in prison, he rather enjoyed watching his wife escape.

"Ooh, Professor? Of what?" Jack inquired.

"Archeology," She said in that perfect accent.

"Your file doesn't say anything about you being a teacher," Jack looked at her file, noticing that it didn't really say that much at all.

"My file also doesn't say how old I am." She replied, knowing he's got no relevant information on her.

"Well, how old are you?" Jack pushed.

"Never ask a lady her age," River smiled as she avoided the question.

"Owen," Jack nodded, as Owen gave her the injection. She tried to resist tensing as the compound coursed through her veins. Jack had to admit, she was pretty strong, the first time he had been administered that, he was writhing in pain.

"Ok, let's get down to why your here," Jack had had enough toying around, "You killed the best man in the universe, why?" he sneered.

Oh so thats why she was here. Jack, Jack, Jack, she had heard the name before in some of the Doctor's tales of the old days. Then suddenly it clicked, "Your Captain Jack Harkness," River stated. Jack looked a little taken aback that she knew who he was, but he hid it quickly.

"Yeah, now answer the question," Jack pushed.

"Oh he told me about you, the imortal captain, always the flirt," River laughed, she had hoped to meet him one day, since the Doctor seemed to think they were so much alike, but under better circumstances.

Jack was bursting with questions, who told her about him, why did she kill the doctor, did she know him? But he had to keep up his authority, he was going to get nowhere if he didn't keep his promises, "Give her 10," He told Owen. After 2 minutes she was grunting, and not the good kind.

"Enough of that!" River said after gathering herself, "you have questions, I've got answers," she stated, "Now, lets make a deal, because torturing me is not going to get me to tell you anything."

"What kind of deal?" Jack was intrigued.

"Tell your doctor to leave the room, untie me, and we can chat," She spoke rather confidently. Jack just laughed, "You said it yourself, that door only opens from the outside, so I can't get out, and you can't die," Jack contemplated her request.

"Ok. Fine. Owen get out of here, Tosh open the door," Once Owen was out he started undoing her restraints.

Once they were both sitting across from each other, lie detector in the middle, they began again, "Ok Professor Song, talk to me," he said, he had gave in to her requests, if she didn't tell him what he wanted to know, he was going to get out the mind probe.

"Well I met this women once, fascinating person, she was a seer. We hit it off, and we ended up going to Midnight, the planet, during the 35th century, and they had these amazing-"

"Does this have anything to do with the Doctor?" Jack was fed up with this women.

"You told me to talk to you, you should have been more specific," she smiled, 'Come on Doctor. Where is he?' She was stalling, she knew she couldn't say anything about him to anyone. She wasn't even supposed to tell her parents.

"Thats it!" Jack shouted as he headed for the door. Seeing that he was about to leave, Tosh opened it.

"Ahh, Jack perfect timing, I was just about to get you. I found a women and her husband that have been repeatedly reported being seen by a blue box," Ianto told Jack the good news.

"Who are they, where are they?" Jack asked, any information he could get right now is good.

"Names are Amelia and Rory Williams, from Leadworth, and they are currently on their way here," Jack smiled at Ianto, he always knew what to do. Jack gave him a quick peck on the lips before running off to get the mind probe.

"DAMIT!" Jack shouted. He had been trying for an hour to use the mind probe on this women, but she kept deflecting it.

"Sir, the Williams' are here," He heard Ianto's voice over the speaker. A look of worry flashed on Rivers face, just for a second, before she masked it again, but not before Jack saw.

"Ok, bring them down," Jack said, not taking his eyes off Rivers.

"Ohh, secret underground base, how medieval," Amy remarked, in truth she had no idea why exactly they were here, just that it had to do with the Doctor.

"Actually," Rory said as the walked into the main hub, "Underground bases were created way before then, there used to be tunnels under all of Rome," Rory remembered. He suddenly tuned out and stared blankly at the wall, remembering things that happened over the last 2000 years.

"Oi! Mr. Pond? Rory, are you ok? Are you remembering things again?" Amy snapped him out of it. Jack could hear everything that was said, and he wondered how the man could possibly have known about the roman tunnels, they were around centuries back, but they have since been destroyed.

"Up here please," Ianto directed the couple up to Jacks office. Amy and Rory took a seat on the chairs opposite Jack.

"So what's this about exactly?" Amy questioned. Jack looked at her, and if he hadn't been about to deliver horrible news, would have flirted with the beautiful redhead in from of him.

"How do you know the Doctor?" Jack figured he better make sure these people actually know him first.

"We traveled together, he's my best friend, why?" Amy asked. Rory was wondering who this man was and why he was asking about the Doctor.

"I'm sorry, who are you exactly?" Rory asked.

"My name's Captain Jack Harkness, I travelled with the Doctor as well, now I run this branch of Torchwood," Jack said, "So, have you heard the news?" Jack asked the couple.

"What news, what are you talking about?" Amy cut strait to the point.

"The Doctor is dead. He was murdered. I'm very sorry," Jack stringed the sentences together, 'Best to rip it off like a bandage,' he thought. Amy had to pinch herself to keep from smiling, because she knew something nobody in the universe knew, she new he was alive. Jack looked at the two of them and decided that, with their blank looks, they were in shock, "When was the last time you saw him? And do you know anyone called River Song?" Jack inquired.

At the mention of their daughter Amy and Rory tensed up. Children were still a bit of a sore subject for them, "What's this got to do with-" but the Roman didn't get to finish that sentence as there was a scream. Jack told them it was nothing and to ignore it, but Amy was never one to listen.

She took off in the direction of the noise, Rory and Jack close behind, "What was that? Who was that?" Rory questioned. Whoever that was, he felt sorry for them, that was a scream of pure agony. A scream one would try to hold back, as though to not give in to their captors.

"It's just an interrogation," Jack said. Amy felt like something was wrong, she could feel it in her gut as her motherly instincts kicked in.

"Who are you interrogating?" Amy pushed.

"The women who killed the doctor," Jack responded.

Rory felt his stomach flip when Jack said that, those screams, those agonizing screams were coming from his daughter. Amy's face was pale and she looked like she was going to be sick. Jack looked at them confusion on his face.

Rory turned and ran towards the door to the room the screams were echoing from, "River! River!" he screamed then he realized he couldn't get in. He mentally cursed at his wife for not letting him bring his sword. Amy came running up to the door and looked at Jack.

"Open it! Open it right now or-" Amy threatened.

"Or what? You can't do anything, we're on my base, with my team, and your unarmed," Jack spat, "But you want me to open it, sure, Ianto?" he shouted and a second later the door clicked open. The ponds ran inside to find their daughter strapped to a table.

"Melody!" Amy exclaimed as she ran to River's side. River's eyes went to the gun that was being held against Rory's head.

"So, we tried everything else, what about this? Huh Dr. Song? These two are obviously important to you, so information for their lives," Jack said.

"I could really do with the Doctor being here right about now," Rory murmured.

"Don't worry Dad, you'll be fine," River assured. Jacks face turned to that of a confused person when she said dad. This man couldn't be her father, he was younger than her.

Just then they all took a breath of relief as the TARDIS materialized in front of them. The Doctor strutted out, looking silly as ever with a bowtie and tweed jacket, "Hi honey, I'm home," he directed at River. Jack was bewildered by this man he assumed to be the Doctor, was he flirting? With his murderer?

"And what sort of time do you call this?" River replied her normal response. Jack decided they were definitely flirting. And the Doctor tells him, "don't."

"Sorry, meant to be here an hour ago, but the helmic regulator's on the fritz again," The Doctor walked over to his wife and soniced her restraints, which she then took off.

"Uhh, Doctor," Rory reminded him that they were still being held at gunpoint.

"Jack you know I don't like guns, now put that away," The Doctor scolded him. Jack re-holstered his weebly. The team was watching on the monitors and all looked stunned when Jack followed the Doctor's orders without question, "Ponds!" He exclaimed as he hugged them both.

"Now then sweetie," River said from behind him, "Where are we?" she asked the timelord. Jack was dying to ask what was going on, the two Williams'-that-were-somehow-Ponds were River/Melody's parents, the Doctor was flirting with his killer, letting his murderer go free, then she called him sweetie. And Everyone was acting like it was just another normal day.

"You, River, you shot my stetson! Twice!" The Doctor said. WOW. Jack was really going to have to teach him to flirt better.

"So you've done Utah then?" Rory asked, just to be sure.

"Twice," The Doctor corrected.

"Ok Doctor, hello, confused. Oh and nice body by the way, a bit young, not sure about that chin yet," Jack winked.

"Oi! I've had worse," The Doctor defended, covering his chin.

"Ok, explanation any time now," Jack was still out of the loop, and he hated being out of the loop.

"Right, Ok, these are the Ponds, the girl who waited, and the last centurion," The Doctor beamed, "and this is Professor River Song, she's... a.. my... uh... friend?" The Doctor decided it was best not to introduce her as his wife. River, Jack noticed, looked like she was about to kill him, again.

'Oh boy, please tell me he didn't just say friend,' Amy thought. She shook her head at the Doctor, he was going to get it. Rory had a look of fright mixed with empathy for the Doctor, if his daughter took after her mother in any way, the Doctor would be sleeping on the couch for a very long time. Jack looked at all the faces, and deducted that the Doctor said something he shouldn't have.

"Sorry to interrupt, sir, but theres been a weevil sighting at a park, and school's about to be let out," Ianto's voice sounded thought the speaker. This was a good thing, River decided, she and Jack could go get this 'weevil' and she could get away from her husband for a bit.

"What? 'Weevil'?" the Doctor asked, perplexed.

"We don't know they are so that's what we call them," Jack explained as they all made their was out of the interrogation room. River put back on her stuff that Jack had taken upon her arrival, and was now ready to get a weevil, whatever that was.

"Right then, who's driving?" River asked Jack in the same flirtatious voice she talks to everyone in. Jack looked taken aback.

"You're not coming," Jack firmly said.

"I've learned it's best not to argue with women when their angry," Rory whispered to Jack. Jack suddenly compiled as he remembered his 3rd wife and shivered.

"Now, who's ride are we taking, yours or mine?" River spoke as though she knew she had won.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so tell me if i should make a part 2 for this chapter.


	2. Professor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one takes place with the 11th doctor when he shows up in Rivers classroom.

The doctor was ecstatic, the ponds just went to bed, and he had a date tonight. Well, it could be any night really, but he was saving it for a special occasion. 'Well, ' he decided "Todays special as any." He justified to himself as he regrettably pushed the stabilizers, boringers, as he called them. They really did make traveling dull. But only when he was without a wife, because with her, nothing is ever boring.

It had been a normal day, like any other. Well, there were no days like any other, it was a Tuesday, and there would never be another Tuesday the 22 of March 5024 again. River had gotten into her classroom perfectly on time with the bell, all of her students already waiting for her. She smiled as she got to her desk, seeing the bright faces eager for her to start her lesson. Rivers lessons were always the highlight of their day. She wasn't dull like all the other teachers, she didn't pick her lessons from the book. She spoke as though she knew exactly what she was talking about, never faltered, never stumbled, and every time a student would ask her a question, she always knew the answer.

"Alright, so today we with be talking about the most feared creature in the universe, the thing you don't stand a chance against, a creature so evil, it doesn't even have a word for love," River said, getting the college students excited as she switched the slide on the projector.

"A trashcan with a plunger and a whisk is hardly going to be the end of the universe." one of her trouble students scoffed. She rolled her eyes, as she was about to answer, someone else interjected.

"I beg to differ." 'Oh.' River thought, she knew that voice anywhere, well at least 4 of them. "You think you would live against a Dalek?" He asked, not bothering for an answer before he continued on his rant, "Daleks are the most feared creatures in the universe, and do you know why? Well, of course, you don't know why! I interrupted your Professor before she could teach you. Not that that would help, even if I told you everything there was about a Dalek, you wouldn't believe me unless you faced one. Well, the thing about a Dalek is that you can't beg for mercy, it doesn't know the meaning of the word, it won't hesitate to kill you, and let me tell you, getting killed by a Dalek hurts." He paused taking long strides toward the student while saying," Not fun, defiantly don't recommend it." He then got up-close and personal with him 'God, he really doesn't know what personal space is' Thought River, though she usually didn't mind. "You can't talk your way out when your up against them, and they know everyone, they have one mind, one big brain, what one sees they all see. They aren't programmed to know how to love, or show mercy, or..or...or..Chat! as you would call it. They would kill you in a split second no hesitation, no second thought. And do you know why? Just because you aren't like them. Just because you are not a Dalek. Anything not-Dalek is an enemy of the Daleks. They fear no one because they believe they are better than all." He finally finished.

The students were shocked, to say the least. They loved their professor, yes, but she was a bit strict. She would have no funny business unless she started it, which would happen on occasion. Everyone knew not to make her mad, and interrupting her lecture, AND start teaching it for her, would make her mad. The students felt bad for this poor soul, because who wouldn't feel bad for a man about to get clawed.

"Hi honey, I'm home." He said once he caught his breath, staring at River. Yep, they were never going to see him again. It was one thing to interrupt, and take over, but to FLIRT? The student wouldn't be surprised if he turned missing or dead. They knew very well that flirting with her would land them in serious trouble. And not school trouble, no, no, she didn't give out detentions. Detentions were to punish for what the student has already done, she wanted to make sure they would never do it again. Most didn't know what happened, but when she asked to see a student after class, he would be in there no more than 5 minutes and then come out screaming about spending days in a jungle with dinosaurs. Needless to say, they never behaved badly again, in ANY class.

River thought for a moment, she didn't know if she should be mad at him, if she should act like she didn't know him, or if she should just not give a damn that she was in front of her student and say her line. This time, it had been months, 9 to be exact. 9 months since she last saw him, he took her dancing in the 18th century and promised he would pick her up the next week for a special date he had planned. So she was definitely mad, he was very late. "And what sort of time do you call this?" She said, not in her flirty voice he usually receive it in, but in her professor's voice.

"Sorry," the Doctor said improvising,"I'm new, the names John Smith." He said smoothly. He was definitely closer to the end of this regeneration than the beginning, River knew as she notices the confidence he wore that came with being her husband.

"Yes." She said, trying hard not to smile, but she shouldn't be happy with him, "I've been expecting you." 'For way too long' "Please take a seat." 'While you still can' She thought because there's no room to sit in the dog house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definantly going to make this chapters prompt a series!


End file.
